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Touring Motor Gliders Association (TMGA)
  • Aviation Clichés

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    Groucho Marx
    • Classification: General

    No matter what else happens, fly the aeroplane. Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an aeroplane flies because of money.

    It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

    If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn' em back off.

    A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything.

    Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.

    Always remember you fly an aeroplane with your head, not your hands.

    Never let an aeroplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

    Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone. An aeroplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi. Stated in a different fashion; "Unskilled" pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand wrapped around the microphone.

    If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger; if you pull the stick back, they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back-then they get bigger again.)

    Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

    The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

    Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first!

    Everyone already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great' landing.
    It's one after which you can use the aeroplane another time.

    The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

    IFR = I Follow Roads.

    You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.

    Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.

    A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion.

    Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

    Pilots believe in clean living. They never drink whiskey from a dirty glass.

    Things which do you no good in aviation:
    Altitude above you.
    Runways behind you.
    Fuel in the truck.
    Half a second ago.
    Approach plates in the car.
    The airspeed you don't have.

    If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.

    What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
    God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

    Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

    A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a corpse.

    Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.

    Trust your captain but keep your seat belt securely fastened anyway.

    An aeroplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.

    Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge.
    If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.

    The friendliest flight attendants are those on the trip home.

    Good judgment comes from experience, and experience, comes mostly from bad judgment.

    Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all those trips.

    Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.

    The nicer an aeroplane looks, the better it flies. (Absolutely!)

    There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
    Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

    It's a good landing if you can still get the doors open.

    Passengers prefer old captains and young flight attendants.

    The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

    It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

    If an earthquake suddenly opened a fissure in a runway that caused an accident, the FAA would find a way to blame it on pilot error.

    Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

    A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. - - It's worse.

    It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. - - Step number one: Start with a large fortune.

    A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

    A fool and his money are soon flying more aeroplane than he can handle.

    The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the 'down'

    Try to keep the number of landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

    Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

    You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

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